"My dad is tougher than your dad"

Father's Day is tomorrow, and I want to pay tribute to my husband Robert, stepdad extraordinaire.

Little batman, big Robin

When I met Robert he was twenty-seven years old, fresh out of law school, and working at a prestigious firm in L.A. I was working as a clerk at a public library, finishing up a belated bachelors degree, and raising the mini-Batman above. Robert and I were not an obvious match, but -- thank goodness -- eHarmony thought otherwise. 

Four-year-old Aidan, Christmas 2009

There are two kinds of single mom daters. One kind compartmentalizes, neatly separating her romantic life into one corner and her role as a mother into another. I have known many moms like this and they are quick to say to potential suitors, "You will never meet my kids, ever."

For the record, nothing is hotter to a guy than this type of behavior. 

I was the other type of mom. I was not just looking for dates but would-be fathers. Even though I had been burned by husband #1, I still wanted more kids, a home, and stability. And I wanted to achieve these things with a partner by my side. 

This is what I found for Aidan:

Robert is amazing in so many ways, but the one that astounds me the most is his ability to be the dad I needed for Aidan, day in and day out. Even before he met Aidan, Robert told me that he already loved him because loving me meant loving Aidan. He was able to intuit that Aidan and I were a package deal and he could not have one without the other.

Robert is tough on Aidan, which Aidan needs because he is naturally a soft-hearted and sensitive kid. I once called my sister worried that Aidan was too nice and wouldn't be able to step up to tough challenges as he got older. Amy said, "I used to worry about that too. But then you married Robert."

Aidan adores Robert. Kids crave structure and Robert provides that in spades. Aidan wants to be strong like Robert and is so proud to have him as a dad. A few weeks ago, Lenore told me that her boys and Aidan were fighting in the back of her car over whose dad was the toughest. Jude reasoned, "My dad is the toughest because he built a zip line in our backyard." "No, my dad is the toughest," Aidan rebutted, "because he built pac bags in our backyard." Lenore relayed the story to me later, marveling that both kids were comparing their stepdads without even realizing it.

"I am unbelievable because my dad is a lawyer." 

When Aidan was six, Robert and I got married and we gave Aidan the choice of what to call Robert. Robert? Dad? Stepdad? It was totally up to him. Aidan didn't respond immediately but about six months later, he started calling Robert "Dadert". When I asked him why, Aidan said that "Dad" was confusing (since he already called Bonner Dad) but "Robert" didn't feel quite right either. "Dadert" was born and it's still what Aidan calls him to this day.

Aidan, Dadert, Mom

I have not done everything right in my life, but one thing I nailed was choosing a stepdad for Aidan. When I met Robert I was dazzled by his brilliance. I bragged to my parents that he graduated top 10% from Georgetown Law and that he worked for one of the largest and most prestigious firms in the world. What I should have bragged about was that he had the makings of a great father.

Unlike a lot of biological dads, Robert feels the weight of his responsibility to turn Aidan into a man. He models for Aidan the way a husband should treat his wife and because of that, I know Aidan will be a great husband and father one day. Without Robert's influence, I think Aidan would have become a really nice kid, but he would not understand the responsibility of loving, protecting, and caring for a family as a dad should.

No doubt

Happy Father's Day, Robert. You've earned it.