Ashton, two months

Ashton is ten weeks old, which means my maternity leave is 2/3 of the way over. I'm sad when I dwell on it, but slightly less distraught at the notion this time around having some idea what to expect when I go back to work. Yes, I'll still be mom. No, he won't forget me. Yes, I'll still be fragile enough about it to cry at the drop of a hat the first month and to shun anyone who suggests that I'm letting someone else raise my children. Too soon, people. Too soon.

Ashton and I went to the doctor this week for his two month checkup and first round of vaccinations. He weighed in at 14 pounds, 10 ounces, solidly in the 88th percentile. Dr. Martini confirmed my suspicions that he is perfect in every way, but she did gently admonish me for sleeping with him in the glider/rocking chair a good part of every night.

Yes, you heard that right. I've been breaking the safe sleep rules by sleeping with Ashton in the glider. In my defense, this kid is an absolute barnacle. He loves being held. I know he's a baby and all babies love being held, but this one in particular just wants mama to hold him. And mama wants to sleep. Many of you know I'm big on sleep training, but I also think a lot of rules -- except sleeping on their backs, that's sacrosanct -- go out the door for the first six weeks and, for that brief period of time, you try to be as responsive to the baby as you can while establishing a milk supply and attempting to sleep enough to be a functioning human. Sometimes that means sleeping in a glider.

Unfortunately, my six week rule turned to seven weeks then eight and nine, and I still hadn't summoned the strength to consistently move Ashton to his bassinet where he belongs. I think in part it's because our new magical glider is literally the most comfortable chair in the world. It's the only place Ashton and I have slept more than three hours straight since he came home from the hospital. Also, I'm just soaking up every bit of cuddle time with this heavenly little creature that I can.

But safety. *sigh* I'm a believer. So yesterday I started the gentle, minimal crying sleep training that is supposed to help small babies sleep longer in their cribs. I put Ashton down twice yesterday "sleepy but awake" (this is a common mom phrase that just means on the brink of sleep, but not in a deep sleep) and let him cry softly for 5-10 minutes. One time he fell asleep on his own at six minutes, and once I intervened at five minutes when soft crying turned to hard crying. Hopefully if we keep this up, he'll learn those critical self-soothing skills that make real sleep training a snap at four months.

On a more fun note, Ashton is doing many cute things now besides sleeping and eating. He smiles constantly, laughs in his sleep, and loves cuddling with me in his infant carrier. I use the ErgoBaby carrier more and earlier than I did with Aidan or Harper because I need my hands to play with Harper while I wear Ashton.

Ashton is also freakishly strong. He rolled front to back for the first time at two weeks old and started doing it consistently around six weeks. Aidan calls him "Grunty McGrunterson" because he grunts and squirms constantly. Harper calls him "Baby Ashton" and is always telling me to "put Baby Ashton in there" while pointing to the crib so she can have my undivided arms and attention.

One last thought before my two month photo dump. I can't get over how fortunate I've been with this baby. Having a baby is hard. Mentally hard, physically hard, emotionally hard. There's no getting around that. Yet I've learned from my three pregnancies and births that some conditions just make it easier to have babies. In religious speak, this paragraph would be called counting my blessings. In my academic bubble, we call it checking my privilege. Terminology aside, I just want to acknowledge how lucky I've been with this baby that the conditions are there to actually enjoy so much of this experience. Four months of paid maternity leave and a supportive work environment. Excellent healthcare. A loving and supportive partner. Full-time help to divide the labor of childcare, laundry, etc. An extensive network of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends. A warm and clean home on a safe street. Lactation support and access to information. Ample diapers and baby clothes coming out of my ears. At the risk of sounding too political on a decidedly non-political blog, I can't help but wonder how we as individuals and communities can set up better conditions to ease the challenge of bringing a new human into the world for people who aren't as fortunate.

I've taken about 2 million photos over the past two months. Here are some of my favorites.

Newborn photo shoot - 2 weeks old. Photo Credit: Stephanie Bletzacker

My three littles. Or one big and two littles. 

For the record, Robert asked if he should be at the newborn photo shoot. I was like, "No, honey, this is just about Ashton." Doh. At least we had our family photo shoot the week before, but I looked like death warmed over in those. 

My personal fave. 

How did we get that sweet kiss in the last photo, you ask? By promising Harper the phone afterwards.

Halloween 2017 featured 6 foot Elmo and Abby Cadaby. 

We took family photos one week after Ashton was born. I didn't choose the date; our church does an annual family photo fundraiser that I didn't want to miss. This was not a good choice on my part. I was tired and still sore from surgery. It was cold and windy out. Harper and Stan were both acting nuts. Live and learn. 

Fall in Utah

Right after we got home from the hospital when Ashton was about a week old.

You may notice the timeline of these photos are all jumbled up. For some reason they bulk uploaded that way and I have neither the time nor energy to set them right. 

Christmas Sunday

A DIY two-month photo shoot, bow tie courtesy of Desi. 

Christmas Day. We were taking a girl shot and Harper charged into the picture like, "Wait, you forgot me!" 

Another gem from the newborn photo shoot.

At Kristlekindlemart in Salt Lake City. It's been a month since this photo and at least once a day Harper still says, "I rode a pony and saw Santa!" 

Matching Christmas jammies. 

My arms are always full these days. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the constant presence of others and would give my left arm for some alone time. But I know I'll miss this when they are big. 

My 15 pound, two month boy. I love this chunky, happy baby. 

Traveling back in time to one-week Ashton. Again, not sure why these photos are all over the place chronologically. Sorry.

Family Halloween photo

Desi and Ashton on Thanksgiving Day after the annual Turkey Bowl.

Ashton in the carrier, his happy place.

Me: "Harper, show me your thinking face." Harper: "Hmmmmmm...."

Nana and Papa came to visit for an early Christmas. 

Harper has a three second attention span for photos. This was the fourth second.

Another personal favorite. Aidan is attempting to high five Harper while Ashton practices being a perfectly photogenic baby. 

Awwwww, Desi and the kids. Have I told you that I always have the best au pairs? I always have the best au pairs.

Christmas Family Photo 2017

Aidan, getting more handsome every day. I can't believe he'll be 13 in July.

Auntie Heather and Ashton. The look of love. 

Another two month photo. 

Desi had to go to at least one American football game during her au pair year. Harper didn't realize she wasn't staying for the game and had a breakdown when she didn't get to go. The whole way home she cried, "I want football and Daddy!" until I promised her a lollipop. 

Robert and I had our first date night when Ashton was five weeks old. We attended the annual Law Prom at the Salt Lake County Club, but skipped cocktail hour and dessert. Total time in and out = one hour and forty minutes. 

For a long time, Harper never used the word "Yes". She would either say "no" or just repeat what you said if she agreed. All of a sudden, she's not just saying "yes" she's saying "Oh yes!" any time she answers in the affirmative. Her enthusiasm is both infectious and adorable. 

Best buds. 

This picture stopped me in my tracks. When did Aidan get so darn big? We were at the doctor here and he measured in at 5'2. I'm not quite 5'5 so our height differential is quickly disappearing. 

Aidan and Papa at his trombone recital. 

Nana and Ashton. She says he looks like he's about to fall off of her lap, but I think he looks perfectly cozy. 

Those eyes!!

It was a stripes day.

At my friend Christine's house. My friends have been so patient with me during my two-year social hiatus. I promise someday I'll be fun again and able to stay out past 8:00 pm. 

Super Harper! 

At Millcreek Canyon on a snow walk.

Sending Aidan off to California for New Years

Harper has a renewed interest in her old toys. This is her trying to keep Ashton out of her Bumbo seat.

And trying to stake a claim over her old play mat.

Dad and Harper heading out to church.

And one last photo from this morning to make sure this post is fully up to date. 

That's it! Two months of baby joy, sleeplessness, and gratitude. Thanks for reading!