Sleep training

Ever since Harper was born, I've been following Dr. Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. From birth to four months most of the "sleep" habits were really my habits putting Harper to sleep. For instance, never allowing her to stay awake for more than two hours at a time, putting Harper to sleep in her crib rather than in motion (in a car, for instance), and soothing her to sleep the same way every time. I love the loose structure of Healthy Sleep Habits and found it much more intuitive and less rigid than Babywise, which I tried unsuccessfully with Aidan ten years ago.  It's more about watching your baby than watching the clock and following commonsense principles to help your baby sleep. By following Healthy Sleep Habits, Harper has been a great sleeper for a newborn, always taking consistent naps through the day in her crib and falling back asleep easily throughout the night with consistent soothing techniques.

One thing Healthy Sleep Habits does not encourage is "crying it out" in the first four months. You might let your baby cry for 5,10, or 15 minutes if you think it will help your newborn fall asleep, but that's sort of the max. But now that Harper is four months old, according to Dr. Weissbluth, it's time for me to start teaching her to fall asleep on her own, and that means learning how to self-soothe, a.k.a. crying.

This is our third night of cry it out and I. HATE. IT. The first night Harper cried over an hour. Second night was about 35 minutes, and last night she cried 48 minutes before putting herself to sleep. The rule is that I pick no more than two times a night to go to her and it can't be within four hours of her last meal. So last night, for instance, since she fell asleep a little before 8:00, I couldn't go to her before midnight. When she woke up at 2:00, I responded by nursing her back to sleep but other than that, I left her alone for the night. The goal, of course, is to have a baby that can put herself back to sleep when she is awakened by things like the dog barking or the toilet flushing and other such sleep interruptions. In the end, hopefully, both me and Harper will get more sleep.

Sounds logical, doesn't it? Simple, right? Except in practice listening to Harper cry is the most gut-wrenching, heart-breaking experience imaginable.  Seriously, is there anything more unnatural than not responding to a baby's cry? Last night Tiina came home from her run to find me huddled on the couch, hands wringing, listening to Harper wail. We sat together and cringed every time she let out a good cry. Eventually it stopped and we were able to breathe again.

Tonight will be night 4. Anecdotally, this is when most babies turn a corner and the crying gradually becomes less. But here is the other sucky thing about sleep training, which I've dreaded since the week Harper was born. Part of sleep training means enforcing an earlier bedtime so that babies can get the optimal 12 hours of sleep a night. For babies 4-9 months that means falling asleep somewhere between 6-8 pm according to Dr. Weissbluth. I get home from work around 5:30 pm so a 6:00 pm bedtime sounds completely unacceptable. I'm willing to set a bedtime between 7-8, but that still means my entire time with Harper Monday through Friday will consist of holding her on my hip while I cook dinner, her bedtime routine, one nursing session, and a kiss before bed. I'll get about 90 minutes with her in the morning between 7-8:30 am and about two hours at night after work. Robert will see her an hour a day Monday through Friday because his normal working hours are usually 8:00 am to 8:00 pm. Sucky. Sucky, sucky, sucky, sucky.

You know what's not sucky though? These pictures of my lovely, lovely life. Thanks for listening to me and feel free to commiserate/ offer advice/ tell me I look pretty in the comments section below or, more likely, on Facebook where you found the link to this post. Any comments that resemble working mom shame will be promptly deleted but taken to heart so please, be kind.

At the ranch

With Auntie Heather

In her favorite new toy, the Jumparoo

Shrove Tuesday buns --  pre-Ash Wednesday Finnish tradition -- that Tiina and I made. Yum!  

My dad chatting with Curran at our vacation cabin in Brian Head.

Oldest and youngest cousin pic

Nehrig and Cummings cousin pic

Aidan and Bob planning their ski runs

My new favorite thing, the ErgoBaby

New Finnish words I've learned from Tiina: pineapple, onion, snowboard, snowboarding, skis. These are not really the building blocks of conversation but they sound cool!

Right before he took a dive in the snow

And there he goes.

Aidan frozen in the snow

Actual snowman

Warming up 

Early morning with some of the cousins

Harper and Daddy

Harper and Nana

The whole family!

Potential holiday card

Capturing a sweet sibling moment.

All dressed up and ready for church

Time to eat my boot

Could you let this sweet baby cry?