My Sugar House Life: Things I miss now, things I'll miss later

Parenting is this incredible, life changing journey that knocks your world upside down. It's one of those things -- presumably like fighting in a war or standing in the Sistine Chapel -- that you can't really explain to someone, you just have to live it.

Right now I am deep in the throes of parenting, running a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week shift with a 5 month old, a 2 year old, and a 12 year old. These are three super distinct ages. On any (every?) given day, I am nursing, sleep training, and smothering with kisses. I am picking up a never ending stream of messes, teaching to say please and thank you, and laughing as new words are learned and discoveries made. I am presiding over science fair projects, helping with Valentine's Day boxes, and packing lunches. I make doctor's appointments. I administer hugs and take temperatures. I pack diapers, snacks, and extra clothes. I smell like throw up and wear sensible shoes. I kiss ouchies and apply band-aids to non-existent wounds. I have multiple car seats and a minivan. I attend mother-son dances and toddler dance parties. In September, I send one to pre-school and another to middle school. These things are huge and wonderful and exhausting. They are simultaneously mundane and the best life has to offer.

Ashton (4 months), Harper (2.5)

Harper (2.5), Ashton (4 months), Aidan (12)

Aidan's science fair project made the Top Five at Dilworth and went on to the District Fair.

Food color and shaving cream Easter Eggs.

Easter outfit - Five months

Scouts - December 2017

There are a lot of things I miss right now and many things I know I'll miss later. I like to keep the second list in mind when I start dwelling on the first.

Things I miss right now:

Sleeping - In case you haven't heard, babies really mess with your sleep. I try to take a pro-active approach to sleep training, but Ashton is five months old and still wakes up anywhere from 2-4 times a night. I'm lucky that he sleeps in until at least 7:00 most days, but I cannot wait until I can fall asleep and stay asleep until the next morning. Honestly, right now that feels like a pipe dream even though logically I know night waking should be over by the time he turns one.

That face though.

Reading - Sure, I still read. In the past few months, I have devoured The Happiest Baby on the Block, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk, How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life With Children Ages 2-7, and The Whole Brain Child. I also constantly refer back to my baby sleep bible Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. This is not fun reading; it's survival reading. Someday I will read purely for pleasure again.

Life changing. Highly recommend.

Leaving the house without a production - Leaving the house used to be so easy. I simply walked outside. Now (especially in the winter) it's a never-ending checklist. My stuff. Check. Diapers and wipes. Check. Snacks and sippy cup with water. Check. Extra clothes. Check. Stroller and ErgoBaby. Everyone have their coats, hats, mittens, and blankies? Check. Even going to the park is a production. And inevitably the thing you leave behind is the thing that ends up being the single most important thing you could have brought like an extra pair of clothes for a blowout or sunscreen on a blazing hot day.

Traveling - a recent obsession of mine has been checking family travel sites. I just want to lay by a pool and read a book. Robert and Aidan had an amazing adventure a feel weeks ago where they went to Washington DC with both grandpas. Aidan is such a great age where you can do that. And these kids will be too when they are both out of diapers, sleep through the night, and can sit on a plane for a few hours. But we aren't there yet. I know because I've taken them to St. George and L.A. to visit family and easy traveling it is not. I cling to the fact that Aidan and I took a two-week trip to Australia when he was four, so trips can't be that far away.

Aidan, Dad, and the two grandpas on their trip to Washington DC

Harper in California over spring break.

Harper and Nana

Totally worth the effort. :)

Working out - Someone asked me the other day if I worked out. Haha. Hahaha. Hahahahaha. Work out? My daily alone time consists of a shower and 15 minutes of cruising Facebook. Now obviously I could work out if I made it a priority. I am finding time to write this blog, aren't I? Granted, I've started this post seven times and haven't finished, but I'm doing it. Someday working out will be a priority, but right now, I'm just not that hardcore or motivated. Sleep and time with my kids takes precedent.

Seeing Friends - I admit, this one hurts. I have the greatest friends in the world. But when you work full-time, have two tiny children, and one large child with activities, something has to give. To keep from burning myself out, I've basically stopped committing to any plans or doing anything social. Right now, it's just too much work. I have faith that my good friends will still be there when I come out of hibernation. Prioritizing my family is my form of self-care right now.

Dating my husband - I really love my husband. He's funny, insanely smart, passionate, hard-working, and romantic. When we met, we took pride in our spontaneous and adventurous courtship replete with music, plays, skiing, wonderful nights on the couch drinking wine and binge watching TV. Now? We juggle life together. Which I know will make our love story that much better, but, man, I really miss fancy dress-up dinners together.

This is how we roll now.

Things I will miss later:

Baby smell, baby giggles, baby skin - There is a reason I choose to forego working out and seeing friends. It's because every additional minute I'm out of the house after work is a minute away from these precious babies that I already don't get to see enough. I want to soak it all in as much as I can while it's still here.

Nursing - There is something so satisfying about being the sole source of nutrition for a baby. It marks you as mom, makes you feel incredibly useful and important, and creates a sense of wonder at how miraculous the human body is. I hate pumping at work, but, I love nursing.

Being the center of three little people's world - my kids will never love me more than they do now. Every day I come home from work to Harper's little face pressed against the glass. Ashton breaks into his toothless grin at the sound of my voice. And Aidan just barely still thinks mom is cool for like two more minutes. I will never get to spend more time with my kids or have a bigger impact on their life than right now. I am genuinely humbled by that thought.

Aidan and Ashton asleep on me at church.

Innocence - Sometimes I hate the complexity of being a grown-up. Kids are so much better. There's no guile in their faces, no malice in their hearts. They wear their huge emotions on their sleeve. They love big, cry big, tell you when they need a hug, and have the world's best smiles.

The joy of discovery - Trees. Flowers. Clouds. Bugs. Cookies. All of it is magic to little kids. Wonder and beauty abound in their world and if you are lucky enough to spend time with them, their curiosity and worldview is infectious. Adults are so jaded, we are constantly posturing, constantly sucked into our phones and televisions. Kids are imaginative; they live in the now. At least until they get their hands on their first iPhone.