#YesAllWomen

I have already established that this is not a political blog. My Sugar House life is a safe space for me to record and reflect on my life and capture memories that would otherwise fade away.

But sometimes politics feel personal. In the case of the recent Isla Vista shootings, it feels personal to me as I know it does to so many women. I have to admit that I do not usually define myself as a feminist. I love girly things, want men to open doors for me, and value being protected and cherished by my husband, which may seem antiquated and gendered to traditional feminists.

But here's the thing. I also know what it feels like to be scared of men. To feel objectified. To be harassed.

There has been a lot of talk in the last few days about misogyny in our culture and how that may have contributed to the mass shootings in Isla Vista where sorority girls (among others) were "punished" for "denying" sex to Elliott Rodgers. Obviously there were larger things at play than unrequited lust. Elliott Rodgers was a sick person with mental health issues. Bullying was a factor in this equation as were lax gun control laws. Yet in my mind - and obviously so many others - there is an obvious connection between the objectification of women in our society and the rampant violence against them.

Our culture makes women into objects every single day. Through porn. Through strip clubs. Through movies like Sixteen Candles when handsome Jake hands off his hot, drunk girlfriend to Anthony Michael Hall and says, "Be My Guest." Through prom drafts in Newport Beach or pick-up artist propaganda that reduces women to marks on a scoreboard or a quest to be won instead of, you know, human beings. This type of "empathy erosion" - or the ability to treat people like objects - is what leads to acts of cruelty such as rape or genocide. When you cease to see another person as having thoughts or feelings like your own, hurting them becomes remarkably easy.

I am super lucky because, unlike a full quarter of all women, I have never been sexually assaulted. But here are the things I have experienced and often accepted as a normal part of life:

Taking the long way around my high school cafeteria to avoid catcalls

Never leaving my drink unattended at a bar or party

Walking with the pointy end of my keys out ready to strike after dark

Receiving harassing letters, gifts, and unwanted advances from would-be suitors even after I made it super clear that I wasn't interested

Telling a boy that I didn't want to go to a dance with him and watching him punch the wall in anger

Having a boy shove me against a wall and demand that I kiss him. For the record, a girl also did this to me once, and I found it amusing and flattering. For some reason, I did not fear her advances. (For the record, neither of these interactions resulted in anyone getting kissed)

Being grabbed from behind forcefully while working the circulation desk at the public library.

Misogyny is pervasive in our culture and if you don't see women complaining about it very often, it's because we've either accepted it as a part of life or chosen to ignore it to protect our sanity or reputation.

Yes, all women face sexism. No, not all men are perpetrators. My father treated my sister and me as respectfully and lovingly as could be imagined (while warning us all the while that men are barbarians). My husband views me as an equal and would protect me to his last breath. My brothers would do the same.

But it is still time we face some uncomfortable truths about our culture. Elliott Rodgers is an extreme example of a pervasive mindset in our society. I only hope that these tragic shootings raise some awareness that sexism is real and, taken to extremes, deadly.