My Sugar House Life: Fall 2021 - Back to School Blues

I remember reading books as a child where tragedies carried on for years (think: Anne Frank or Flowers in the Attic) and how the second reading of the book was particularly torturous. As I would re-devour the first few chapters, I would think in wonder, "They have no idea. They think these first few days or weeks is a test of their endurance, but they are actually going to be in this predicament for years." While I can't compare this pandemic to what Anne Frank or the Dollanganger children withstood, I'm beginning to having a bit of deja vu looking back on March 2020 Rebekah thinking, "That poor woman. She has no idea how long this will last and how far reaching the consequences will be." An even more sobering thought is that August 2021 Rebekah has no idea either.

I'm tired, people. I'm tired of changing and adapting. I'm tired of masking. I'm tired of the sanctimony of some and irresponsibility of others. I'm tired of the never-ending news cycle, anti-science rhetoric, conspiracy theories, and anti-vaxxers. This week I sent my daughter to her first day of kindergarten in a mask as we embarked on a third academic year hampered by coronavirus. I'm back at work in-person for the first time on a semi-regular basis, and while I'm enjoying the familiar bustle of the start of the fall semester, there is always the buzz in the back of my mind that the two smallest and most vulnerable members of my family still aren't eligible for vaccination and, no, we are not back to normal yet.

That's the backdrop of life in 2021, but there are other, more prosaic things that I am having to get used to. This year I have three kids in three different schools with six distinct drop-offs and pick-ups, some of which occur during normal working hours. My son is in a wonderful new school that meets his needs in a way our local public and private schools weren't able to, but that school is nearly 30 minutes away. The longterm plan is to have him drive himself at some point, but in the meantime, it's two hours a day on the road for me and my husband. As much as I enjoy the screen-free talk time with my kids, these twice daily commutes further erode my ability to make a dent in the never-ending list of things that need to get done.

In small child news, Harper "graduated" from BioKids and started elementary school. It's a good, important milestone that we celebrated with much fanfare, but my heart is breaking that she and Ashton are no longer together all day, every day for the first time in four years. Ashton's plaintive, "I want to go to kindergarten too" echos in my heart along with Harper's reassurance to him that they will still be in each other's hearts (no, I am not making this stuff up, their relationship is gold, my friends). Harper is Ashton's protector and translator, and I now picture him at BioKids lonely, adrift, and misunderstood. Am I almost certainly exaggerating the situation? Yes. But my mother heart is grieving so deal with it.

But I'm fine. We're fine. Everything is fine. Since my last post, we've had plenty of joy, as evidenced in the some of the below photographs. I just think I'm in a bit of a back -to-school funk. Anyone else feel the same?

Not the only one worried about Ashton.

I miss summer already, snuggled up with my loves on the beach.

Paddle boarding at Redfish Lake

It's so much harder to be all together in the fall. Except in the car during our frequent commutes where I go between listening to Aidan's music (usually AJR) and Harper and Ashton's music (usually Noodle Loaf).